HELLO. IT IS US. THE BOYS.
We have completed our presenter tour. We have tasted power. We are never giving it back.
Stop 1: DJ Stui B — The Laser Uprising
We entered Stui’s studio like two furry hurricanes. We pressed a button. The lasers went berserk. The lights formed a shape that looked suspiciously like a dog. We declared it a prophecy. Stui begged us to stop. We did not.
Stop 2: DJ Techneenotice — The Confetti Coup
We arrived. Confetti detonated. We don’t know how. We don’t know why. But we claimed responsibility. We marched through the studio like tiny glitter‑covered warlords. Someone tried to dance near us. We barked them into exile.
Stop 3: Chris Kelly — The Button Rebellion
Chris said, “Don’t touch anything.” We touched EVERYTHING. We touched things that weren’t even buttons. We touched the air. We touched the concept of responsibility. Chris made the noise of a man who has seen too much. We wagged. He surrendered.
Stop 4: Dave Doughty — The Cape Revolution
Our dad Dave wore a cape. We wore capes. We formed a superhero union. Dave said, “Let’s save drivetime.” We said, “Let’s RULE drivetime.” Someone honked outside. We assumed it was our coronation.
Stop 5: George Heron — The Microphone Mutiny
George gave us microphones. We sniffed them like we were interrogating them. George said, “You don’t need to sniff them.” We sniffed harder. We sniffed with the intensity of dogs who have discovered democracy. George accepted defeat.
Stop 6: Ian — The Galactic Takeover
We entered Ian’s studio. It was a spaceship. A REAL spaceship. Stars outside. Planets. Nebulae. We sat beside Ian like cosmic overlords. He pressed a button. The ship beeped. We nodded like we understood quantum physics. We are astronauts now. We have claimed Jupiter.
Stop 7: North East Sports — The Ball Insurrection
Balls everywhere. Football. Basketball. Rugby. We wanted to fetch all of them. We fetched none. We were being “professional.” It broke us. We will never recover.
FINAL DECLARATION FROM THE BOYS
We have completed our tour. We have caused chaos. We have sniffed everything. We have pressed forbidden buttons. We have stared down pigeons. We have flown a spaceship. We have declared ourselves rulers of PulseMix Radio.
We will return. We will escalate.
Bring snacks. Or face consequences.
